The Ultimate Guide to Referral Networking: Ch.12

 

Chapter 12 The Empathic Approach to Referral Networking

There are many approaches to successful management as well as to successful sales. However, there is only one approach to successful referral networking, the empathic approach.

Empathy

Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Note that there are two functions in operation here, understand and share. They are two separate functions, and we will explore both as well as layout the way empathic networking is achieved.

·        Empathic Networking is a Science

The Definition of Understanding

To understand is to perceive the significance, explanation, or cause of something as well as be sympathetically or knowledgeably aware of the character or nature of something or someone. Note that there are two distinct meanings to Understanding. The first definition uses the word perceive; this means the ability to see, hear or become aware of something through the senses. The second definition uses the word sympathetically which means in a way that attracts the liking of others. So, what do we have?

In an empathic context; understanding someone is about using all our senses to comprehend what we are sensing, and we do so with an intent to attract the other person.

The Definition of Sharing

Sharing is defined as using, occupying, or enjoying something jointly with others.

When we combine Understanding with Sharing we get:

Understanding what we are sensing with an intent to attract another person’s attention, so we can share our knowledge with, or sell our services, or products to them.

Now that we have sorted out the meaning of empathic networking let's look at how we can build a successful empathic system for our referral network.

Remember, empathy is not about being kind and nice, it is about attracting attention with the intent to make a sale. It's basically fishing with a juicy worm and not an empty hook. Having stated this “cold statement” we do not intend to use empathy for false pretenses, however, remember, not every waiter that smiles at you might actually like you. They are smiling because they want to retain their jobs and get a big fat tip.

Empathic Partnerships

Empathy is about understanding the other. Using all your senses to comprehend what makes them produce the best results for your needs. It is about observation and patience. A referral network is built on partnerships, where one person is willing to refer another to a third party. By nature, a referral network is binomial, where one person requests the aid form another and creates a reciprocal dependency based on trust. One person will vouch for another expecting that other person to perform according to the vouched reason. This binomial attraction is strengthened when an empathic approach is used to strengthen the attraction between both sides.

Empathic Responses

Most businesses and deals fall due to a misunderstanding of intent or content. Language can be complex, especially when different cultures are involved, or when the time you take to explain your position is not enough to fully deliver the message, or you delivered it, but it was misunderstood. This means you need to deliver it again, in a different way.

In some instances, the other side will state quite bluntly that “You don’t know what you are talking about.” In instances when you are misunderstood, you will need to be extremely patient and use an empathetic approach, which means you will need to persuade the other side of your good intentions by deflecting their attack in an empathic manner. Teach yourself to smile, and to maintain an air of indifference even when under attack. This means that you have to smile, even when being insulted. In response to the above retort, most people would react either by getting on the defensive or attacking. Empathic masters smile, don’t reply for a few seconds, giving them time to say, “Then I have not yet made my self-understood, let me explain again.”

Communications is all about listening and observing. It is not just ears; it is eyes too. You have to look at the body language of the other person, comprehend where they are coming from. What is their cultural, educational and professional background? For instance, a military background leads to impatience with waffle, military personnel like short and concise messages, that deliver the core of the subject in a structured manner. In contrast, a theoretical scientist would want as much information as possible about every possible source of information that deals with the main issue as well as its collateral issues.

Empathy is about understanding which person you are talking to and aligning your approach accordingly. This will automatically attract them to what you have to say.

Empathic Dialog

There are two kinds of people that make up partners in deals. The personal type that seeks to discuss details not relevant to the issue, they are usually interested in hobbies, culture and small talk. The second type is the all business type that is focused on the job at hand and is not interested in making small talk.

The empathic approach will be able to discern which one of these types is sitting opposite you, and you must adapt your approach accordingly. However, there is one “contingency” approach that can soften the “all business type,” and that is when health, financial or other problems invade their lives. This affects their performance, and when they are to communicative, you should send a message asking when will they be available, and if they are all right.

For example, when you are working on a project, and you need a reply to a question, and there is no reply for a period of time that is unusual for the other side, you would write “Hi, I haven’t heard from you in a while, I hope you are feeling well and that your silence is due to a holiday. If you are on holiday, I wish you will have a great time, and please contact me at your earliest convenience. If, however, you are unwell, I wish you a quick recovery to the best of your health.” This statement basically shows the other side that you care about their health. A typical response could be “I was to busy on another project.” Or, “Thank you, I was on holiday.” No matter the response, your message was an important empathic approach that makes the other side consider you in a more “personal” manner, even if they are all about the business and not the person.